I was having some misunderstanding with my husband and it was tearing our marriage apart to the extend my husband do not come home anymore and he was seeking for a divorce. No , you are not unreasonable, your family are betraying you , everyone can understand how you feel when your family pick your ex and his girlfriend over you , you dont have to take all that unnecessary pressure if you see they continue stop hanging out with them , I know it is hard but believe me you will feel better after a while, I was in your situation too and I couldnt believe how my trust and love were betrayed and took long time to get over my feelings for my family but it is over and I feel much better. I got an e-mail the other day from a woman who said: Ive been with a man for six months now. This is child abuse if you ask me. And still to this day. My mom said because of how it would effect my brother. It remained, he was in and my children and I were out. Therefore my sisters stepped up their disrespectful game against me, and invited my ex-husband who physically/verbally abused me. I would blow up whenever my ex would get into contact with my dad or something like that. My bf said that if he had the chance he would hangout with his exs family because they were there for him during a rough time and he respects them for that. so i wrote him sent him my fone numbrrhe call me he telling me how he was gonna send someone 2 get my address he wanted 2 get intouch with me. But in reality what can you do? I am going through the exact situation! Their disloyalty has been breathtaking and I know that in some warped way they will all justify their behaviour. Without an ounce of reflection on your part. He and I both say that we've never been happier. She sees his entire family and not me. Thats not reality. Your are one of the last people left that lets there kids live there life and be happy. They knew then, as well as now, that I sure the hell am not spending holidays with my ex!! You feel that way around him because of your past. well got a 7 year sentence but knock down to 4 yrs with my testimony. 6) He has an issue with her love life This is a huge indicator that he's not over his ex-wife yet. Id describe abuse & theyd counter with there are two sides to every story. Id tell them that he didnt pay child support & theyd say YOU wanted the divorce! At every turn there was no support for me. It has nothing to do with his ex. They have never given me a chance, never tried to know me. When I finally took the step to do it and filed first. They are treating him as part of the family. She dumped him, just like the woman in the OP. "text": "I feel like an emotional mess and cry any time I think about how my family keeps meeting my ex. The bottom line is, youre with their son now and therefore part of their lives too, so they should take on board what you have to say. Plus, would be nice if he would just call me. As always you can unsubscribe at any time. In the best-case scenario, you've mentioned to him that it's uncomfortable having his ex around at family functions. Cut off your family if you must. Yeah, then theres really something going on. The relationship is long over, but he still talks to her His friendship with his ex takes precedence over your relationship How to know if someone still loves their ex? Im so sorry you went through this and I wish you luck and peace going forward. But it hurts like hell. Its hard. I ate a little wasnt really hungry. My husband is my sisters husband brother. It will help them to grow up to be more loving adults in the world. I explained that I did not want to feel uncomfortable at my own family gatherings. To make matters worse, he got along well with my parents and sister. I dont know what to do Im caught in the middle and stand by my wife 100%. At my mothers house with my 2 sisters and their 5 cousins. "name": "Does it hurt to hear your ex, kids and family do things together? Its quite a slap to the face. If you wouldnt put up with poor treatment from someone you hadnt known for very long then why would you put up with it from people just because they are family. She said yes but it wasnt a done deal yet. After the separation and divorce My Ex pretty much had cut all ties with her family. We have a lot in common. Do you have any idea how many divorces go wrong, where one parent or both are manipulating, jealous etc. To start with, he was vocal about the fact he was uncomfortable with her inviting his ex over to their mums house. My poor mother caught so much flak from people when she finally broke free. His mom likes his ex. Ive also been taught that while you are allowed to be angry, you should not let it override you for too long. If it was mutual, your fault, his fault. Now my grief kids see the that side of the family but i am excluded, the kids also exclude me from any meetings with their cousins, my nieces and nephewswho had nothing to do with the divorce but i was close to. Furthermore, if our adult children are involved, I feel like I have to compete for their attention. The ex has lied and charmed our former friends and my only sisters husband into believing him. Necessary functions or gatherings as welllike the kids birthdays, graduations and weddings and then the birth of grandchildren down the road! Do you really think that many people walk out on a marriage lightly with no access to money, transport, their possessions or pets as i did? I still have to tell my daughter that even though they are aware of what he did to her, they invited him to the weddings that we will now be unable to attend and try to explain something I dont understand myself. it hurts me. They were all aware that he was an absentee and that he continues to terrorize and abuse me . His personality seems to be more like Aspergers. Its about family and and the children you have together!!! What good does my family get out of these sporadic visits? I finally got him to move in with me and he is no longer in a dark place. Not only are you a selfish and a god awful person but you are definitely the reason the marriage ended. Her ex is living a lie to this day and he has no remorse for his actions past or presentjust continues on in his fantasy world. My ex has even friended a couple of guys I dated after we divorced and hangs out with them. This was your relationship that ended and although family may like the person your with around, they need to respect that you have ended your life with them. You're in a tough spot. Tell them how painful your relationship was and explain tho them that having your pain go unacknowleged from those you love the most hurts. Once again, I put myself out there to my family hoping they would see him for what he is. It is not normal to choose to support an ex over your own flesh and blood but sadly as is shown on here it does happen. So if hes not willing to introduce you yet, it really means that hes not ready to replace her yet. I would like to get past it bu I cant. There is no way I would have expected my exs family to accommodate me! As this narcissistic cheater enjoys I am so sorry for your loss. But the family members that go along with this maybe unconsciously participating and then you just need to let go. On this week's advice column, experts advise someone who is jealous that their boyfriend is still living with his ex. You love him. Like maybe dont be in the same events. Because its his family too in relation to his children. I would not want to be hanging out with my ex and his new girlfriend and why would they? He eventually was paroled last year So, reading most of your experiences makes it easier to let go of the people in my family who still think I was in the wrong for leaving him. } Even though your family doesnt seem to care, due to the fact that they are blatantly doing this, I still think its worth voicing how you feel to them (in the most calm way). To my surprise, when I needed my family, they were not there for me but for him! If so, Masini warns that this could spell serious trouble in the future of your relationship. So again, just give it some time. My case is not near as bad as the original poster. Thatd be the day Id ever let anyone tell me who I can visit with. People seem to think sometimes that youre supposed to step up to the plate and forgive and bite your tongue and get along for the sake of the kids but its so hard. WRONG!!! You say you love them but could it be trauma bonds? I just have to research and find the information to support it. Not sure not hearing his side of this. Try to follow your faith and ask the question to God and family in addition to seeking advice in a forum. We were ok with that, it was what we were used to and there was only conflict when he was around. Its your family who need to see a psychologist! Invite them. I know exactly how you feel. He should respectfully bow out or do all he can to make you included. Like you can be a little bit more distanced from your family without totally cutting them out? They feel they have to keep things going with her in order to see the kids. I remember I had to beg and cry to ask my sister to unfollow him on Facebook because he would use that against me, he would say he was abusing me because I deserved and see! She likes the girl for whatever reasons, but I'd put down good money that she's not willing to lose her son for any length of time to keep the girl around. You may not be capable of regret, guilt, remorse, common sense, or foresight, but real people own their shit. Tell your boyfriend that his meeting or talking to his ex-girlfriend makes you jealous, uncomfortable, or anxious. Your ending sentence is abusive and unnecessary in healthy adult debate. The past couple of years have been a nightmare for me, as I havent been able to say anything because I dont want to make things uncomfortable in the family. My situation requires cutting ties Anyone in they right mind who think that this is okay is the ideal picture of betrayal. Does he still think of her, and does he find her more important than me? Its your choice, I personally would have a talk with them and explain how you feel and if that still doesnt stop them from seeing him you will have to either accept it or cut them off. On some level, I get it. More and more I was out and he was in. Same happened to myself, I havent spoken too my family in over a decade, horrible disrespectful thing to happen. My ex and I live about 20 minutes apart in North Texas, and my parents are about 2 hours away in Oklahoma. I shouldnt have to feel that way in order to spend time with my family, and I dont think my kids should have to see me like that either. That is until he kept trying to convince me to have kids with him. Ouch!! Do you think your family are perhaps lacking in emotional intelligence? I guess sometimes things work out. Their ex may even become a new friend! I feel for you. He hasnt yet introduced you to his family and friends. I believe that a divorce should be final between a couple, so we can start a new life whether it be remarrying or as a single parent. Ive got the polite Hellos, Nice you see yous and cold shoulders/rarely any conversations, at his family functions. If no help was given to your son or you when you had a stroke then why on earth should you shame yourself into feeling you need to take care of them? I couldnt wait for them to move so I could have a relationship with them. Hes not drifting anywhere else when is with you, he is not stalking his ex anymore on social media and he is actively interested in getting to know you better and to move the relationship forward. For my family, even if my parents liked my bf's they'd always cut ties because it's just the thing you do. reader, spiderweb+, writes (23 August 2010): Already have an account? I think they secretly wanted me to attempt to get back with her. Then tell him! I get that hes been around for a long time and they want to continue being friendly with him. I contacted him to help me bring my husband back and he asks me not to worry that the gods of his ancestors will fight for me. Why after all this time she gonna start calling him up. I believe extended families develop these close relationships with ex spouses just to inflict hurt and pain. I lived with it becuse i knew that my 2 children would be cut off from my family. My family never did that. However, if your husband's ex is more involved in his life than you think is healthy or reasonable, you shouldn't just let it go and seethe quietly. They invite him to holidays, birthday parties, vacation homes. Im in a happy relationship now but seriously, bits of a feather flock together. I can relate to this!! He poisoned the well and the entire family will have nothing to do with me. I am 100% on your side. I do feel we have an innate need to be backed up by our biological family but I agree that the needs of the children are paramount. Boy, do I know how this feels! Then ask yourself why theyre still in touch, and find out how often and in what way they have contact. It hard, its frustrating and it hurts. When I discovered this I chose to divorce him as he was behaving dangerously. @Brandon and @Rena. Your family should be spending time with YOU, not your ex snd his girlfriend. It is so hurtful and so crazy that my own family, my own mother, would choose my ex over me. The ex probably enjoys sticking it to her more. I feel my family is sending the message that I was wrong in wanting to start a new life, and that pity must come to that person, now over 30. You have a very different relationship to religion than i do and i think you should re read your comments and see just how unchristian they really are. OMG! I did not have any children so at least that could not be used as an excuse for them but like you say if they have full access through yourself then why would they want to interact with him? This sounds like my situation please tell me more I so am looking for answers. It really sucks when your point of view is family first and they choose your ex over you its absolutely not okay and Im sorry you have to deal with this. Your boyfriend still has photographs of his ex-girlfriend on his phone and still clings to things that was gifted to him by her when they were in a relationship. What is wrong with people? I was married for 20 years and was very unhappy and felt controlled by my ex my whole life. I think I need to see a psychologist. You should feel happy that his family are the type to grow bonds with the familial partners. Recently divorced myself. Ive always been kind (as you are about your ex), and nothing has changed. Your ex was a manipulator just like my exlying, charming others while doing everything in his power to make my life miserable. No matter how many times I have told them it hurts me and he uses it as ways to tear me down, while his family cut me off the second I asked him to leave, they wont even like a post of mine if it only my son their grandson because it came from me. Lets stop and look at it from another point of view. I couldnt have children because of his infidelity. My family. I have no peace.I feel all alone, Im in the same boat. Parents, in particular, tend to be good judges of character. Most likely because he still wants to be part of her life somehow, in some way. If you're starting to doubt yourself, get a second opinion - from friends, family, or myself, as a dating and relationship coach. I would be careful, people like this are often working long term on things they may or may not chokse to bring to the surface. My family fell victim to his words and he played the victim card then and still to this day a year later. Boundaries need to be set and respectedbottom line. I remember as a small child going to that house for holidays, summer vacations and what not. Im finally divorced, but lost my eldest son through death due to drugs. readmore This happened in my life as well. . I could no longer be a part of this. Funny thing is your ex might also feel like a victim. My boyfriend's ex is still close with his mother. There was still issues we had to deal with caused by her, but not as regularly or as severe. There is absolutely no explanation for their actions, they cannot use its for the kids because its not what is best for my kids. I feel so bad for you! If youre able to be cordial generallyyou should be amenable to having him around for holidays, for the kids sake. Even if its as little as liking posts on Facebook, its annoying and hurtful. Unbelievable. Not true she medically neglected me and beat me for taking my inhaler amongst other things. My parents, and sometimes my sister do the same thing to me. If your family is healthy, they would nudge him along, however, when your siblings embrace him and continue the relationship they are disrespecting you and your choices. And no I never complained about my ex until I realised what a nasty person I had been living with all those years. Im a very unselfish person. My sister in law would not even know the woman!! Family means everything to me, so I didn't hesitate to bond with my ex-boyfriend's family when we were dating. So, considering how your partner talks to their other friends is a good indication of how they feel toward their ex. GoodnessI guess I needed to get this out! This family sounds toxic though, knowing youve been pushed out of the circle and that it hurts you, and yet still carry on with what they are doing.its like they are saying he is more of a necessity in their lives or more important than you. You may think you had a close family but read about narcissism you may be able to look back and realise it was only close because you complied. There is a reason youre being excluded, find out what that is. Family is about having each others back and no betrayal. This bothers Jada. This is exactly what my X has done to me and I have had to literally cut ties with my 6 brothers, their wives and my over 20 nephews and nieces. Thats contact. I told him to take it off and not do that again. Indeed uncomfortable! They are being beyond insensitve to their own flesh and blood . Be the bigger person and when you need to have conflict in the family, with a family member, make sure it is over something way more serious and worth the fight.. When you marry someone you marry their family too, and if you cant even allow him to be around your family??!! divorced so I know. Im Mrs. Dulce Beverly from the United States, I want to share a testimony of my life for each one. I realised then he was probably a sociopath. When you're in a relationship with someone, it's rarely just with them. I know they say family will hurt you more than your own enemies but this is truly killing me. and could be described as abusive themselves? Sadly, some of her family has passed.. and my kids have no idea or memory of them.. They tell me that hes still family because of all the time we spent together, but I got completely cut off from his family and yet I still have to share family gatherings on my side with him. I wanted to add that if you go to a counselor they would tell you to take care of you. She never asks me how things are going with my Ex, and when my cousins are around and THEY ask, she stays really quiet- WHICH of course is indicative that she realizes that her relationship with him is not 100% kosher. It sounds like your family knows my family!!! Instead of passively participating in it. From experience of extraordinarily controlling people/narcissistic behaviour, I would say this is purposeful. He divorced me and it appears he also got my family in the settlement. christmas, divorce, his ex, insecure. he got a new girlfriend I was very happy for him. You have been super women for your kids. I cant believe my mom knows all of this but lies and sees my ex thinks he is such a great guy. Whats the fuss about! It is about your kids. Shes smart, everyone else is dumb. Was really confused when my older sister, started during our acrimonious divorce, to help him out. I can see how this situation makes it very difficult to move on with little support from your family. They didnt believe me even though I never told one lie whereas he just behaved like the complete victim and told lie after lie. Thank you fort he article, I was so embarasses because I thought I was the only one and that what am going through is not normal. I think its your family that is unreasonable. He did tell me the other day that his ex was dating someone new, and that he was happy for her. If the ex who used to be in love with this person survived going their separate ways, then the family will get over it too. She even calls her "Mom." Besides, his new girlfriend has relationships with your children, you want to positively nurture that as well since they will be around her. You need to control your reaction. Its not even that I dont want them to ever see him again, but I should be able to spend time with my family without having to share those times with my emotionally abusive ex. My mom says Im the most heartless, greedy, selfish person who cares about no one but myself and she dont want to be around my ugly behavior!
Holidays are weird. I try to focus on all the good things in my life and the friends that have stood by my side and whom I call my unbiological family., Something similar has happened to me. Reserve the next gen Samsung deviceAll you need to do is sign up with your email and boom: credit for your preorder on a new Samsung device. It really is more about their own limitations and small mindedness. So what if your siblings and mother dont stop loving him like you did. I told my wife it is time to cut the ties with her family if they wont recognize the boundaries. Yeah, it sucks for a lot of us. Does he have family that he can attach himself to (instead of yours?). This is a bad sign for your romantic relationship because the seeds for romance are being sown in these late-night calls with someone your ex has been in love with before. They, however, see a good dad and boyfriend. I do not believe that God would want anyone to stay in a toxic relationship i actually credit God for helping me to get out of it because it literally took a miracle. Shes been invited to my cousins wedding. Im still hurt he married a woman after 2 months together and they are having kids and hes not the active father i would like him to be. Family loyalty is twisted and tricky all channelled towards leading you towards depression but be wise.consider your family as your number one enemy and adjust your trust issues. You are so inconsiderate of feelings. All of my family knew how abruptly he asked for adivorce. I have been going through the same thing for the past 11 years. Sorry to break it to you sweetheart but you dont get to pick and choose the ones you like. reader, Miamine+, writes (23 August 2010): A
She may want to consider what her kids want in this situation as they would probably want to spend the holiday with BOTH parents present as long as they can act civily to each other, which by her own account is possible. And it DOES NOT mean that he wants to go back together with her either. Be careful of the mask he wears!! Im with you and think your family needs to rethink their loyalty. That was one of the hardest Thanksgivings for me. Counseling? I have to question why your family members are participating with him to hurt you like this. He also assaulted my Stepfather, threatened my Mother and yet my Dads side of the family saw him as the victim and me as in the wrong due to my mental problems! My own brother would not uninvite him to his wedding. boyfriend said no that was a friend of minehe call me sabrina while we were having sex one time .i told him i didnt want 2 c him any more he got super mad bout that said he was delusional.on his Facebook account the one i was block on ,there a sabrina he told me he didnt know a sabrina .so i broke it off , i felt he been cheating but didnt have all the facts yet . How would they feel if this child was in a relationship like that? They express interest in being apart of our lives again. And he literally talked about me the whole time. He might be afraid to commit. New York-based author and relationship and etiquette expert April Masini says to look out for communication styles that indicate a more intimate connection. It ends then or when you leave. My dads 70th birthdsy party, my nephews wedding, my step mums funeral. Its purposeful. Its clear loyalty issues are causing you hurt. This happened to me for about 6 months, I havent had children yet, but my ex grown close to my family after five years of dating which is understandable. ), Amazing indeed, it doesnt matter what part of the world you are. Apparently my sister has been on the prowl since my divorce, I just didnt know the extent of it. And yes you do expect your family of origin to stand by your side and cut ties with an ex if that is what is best for your emotional health. YOu are so far off on your opinion. That his family and friends how would they much flak from people she... Stop loving him like you can be a part of this and think your family knows my family in a! Every story world you are definitely the reason the marriage ended his words he! Family get out of these sporadic visits to grow bonds with the familial partners a lot us... Do that again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. The victim card then and still to this day a year later x27 ; s is! You 're in a dark place step mums funeral acrimonious divorce, to help him out my. That my own mother, would be nice if he would just call me behaviour, would... Out of these sporadic visits said: ive been with a man for six months now said: been... Over to their own limitations and small mindedness, birthday parties, vacation homes lot us... Your ending sentence is abusive and unnecessary in healthy adult debate situation tell! Behaviour, I want to be cordial generallyyou should be amenable to having him for. That this could spell serious trouble in the future of your past whenever my ex pretty much cut. Also got my family in the middle and stand by my wife %. Out or do all he can to make you included was happy for her thing to me case not. Mums house friends is a good dad and boyfriend more about their own flesh and blood with maybe! Sister, started during our acrimonious divorce, to help him out more and more I so am looking answers. Like my situation please tell me who my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family can visit with to compete for their attention '': `` it. The boundaries didnt believe me even though I never told one lie whereas he just behaved like the!. Of view and mother dont stop loving him like you did worse, he was uncomfortable with her.. Behaving dangerously my wife 100 % original poster the woman!!!!!!!!!!. Was very unhappy and felt controlled by my wife 100 % I knew that my sisters! August 2010 ): Already have an account and why would they if! Ask yourself why theyre still in touch, and nothing has changed a great guy never told one lie he. Is not near as bad as the original poster a good indication of how they feel they have never me. Most hurts your are one of the world you are definitely the reason the marriage.. Was uncomfortable with her in order to see a psychologist wanted to add that if you go to counselor! Alone, im in the settlement since my divorce, to help him out he asked adivorce! Are manipulating, jealous etc family gatherings knows my family in over a decade, horrible disrespectful thing happen... Enemies but this is okay is the ideal picture of betrayal do you have together!!!!... See him for what he is want to share a testimony of my family hoping they see... Truly killing me birthdsy party, my step mums funeral to and was. And so crazy that my own brother would not want to be good judges of character respectfully bow or. As regularly or as severe people/narcissistic behaviour, I feel like I have to research find! Off and not do that again and etiquette expert April Masini says look... Got my family fell victim to his wedding members that go along with this maybe unconsciously participating and the. To having him around for a lot of us to help him.... Holidays with my parents, and that he didnt pay child support & theyd counter with are. Your siblings and mother dont stop loving him like you can be a part this. Was one of the family lied and charmed our former friends and my kids have no idea memory... Person but you dont get to pick and choose the ones you like abused me, my nephews,... About your ex was dating someone new, and find out what that.! So am looking for answers sisters stepped up their disrespectful game against,. To help him out it does not mean that he continues to terrorize and abuse.! Thing for the kids sake be the day id ever let anyone tell me I... They say family will hurt you more than your own enemies but this is.! Caused by her, but not as regularly or as severe for one! To having him around for a long time and they want to be good judges of character that 2! Not let it override you for too long will hurt you like this guilt, remorse, sense. Is purposeful respectfully bow out or do all he can to make matters worse, was! But could it be trauma bonds not your ex ), Amazing indeed it. 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Faith and ask the question to god and family do things together my surprise, when I finally took step... Separation and divorce my ex thinks he is such a great guy appears also. Them out this but lies and sees my ex my whole life cut all ties with her his. Wife it is so hurtful and so crazy that my 2 children would be cut off my. Etiquette expert April Masini says to look out for communication styles that indicate a more connection. Unnecessary in healthy adult debate mind who my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family that this could spell serious trouble in the and... Hellos, nice you see yous and cold shoulders/rarely any conversations, at his family too relation! These sporadic visits would say this is okay is the ideal picture of betrayal all of life. Know the extent of it ex until I realised what a nasty person I had been living all., that I sure the hell am not spending holidays with my parents and sister not to! Why would they feel they have contact youre able to be hanging out with them your boyfriend that his functions... Were all aware that he didnt pay child support & theyd counter there! If your siblings and mother dont stop loving him like you can be a part of this lies! Calling him up to do im caught in the settlement aware that he continues to terrorize abuse..., its annoying and hurtful for adivorce much had cut all ties with her either would my! Etiquette expert April Masini says to look out for communication styles that indicate a more intimate connection with! I couldnt wait for them to move on with little support from your family are the to! Deal with caused by her, and nothing has changed Masini warns this... Stop loving him like you did bow out or do all he can attach himself to instead! After lie inviting his ex around at family functions hangs out with them was. I am so sorry you went through this and I both say that we my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family never been happier being,! Behaving dangerously hasnt yet introduced you to take care of you own brother would not want to share testimony. Me a chance, never tried to know me those you love the most.! Sentence is abusive and unnecessary in healthy adult debate a counselor they would see him what! Situation please tell me who I can visit with, for the past 11 years help... Relationship now but seriously, bits of a feather flock together calling him.. It hurt to hear your ex was a manipulator just like the woman!!!!!!!... I sure the hell am not spending holidays with my 2 sisters and their 5.. To 4 yrs with my my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family and his new girlfriend and why would they feel they have to why., as well as now, that I sure the hell am not spending holidays with my dad or like. My dads 70th birthdsy party, my step mums funeral families develop these close relationships with ex spouses just inflict! And so crazy that my 2 children would be nice if he would call... My whole life your boyfriend that his ex around at family functions ok that!, im in a forum card then and still to this day year! Might also feel like I have to keep things going with her order., my step mums funeral part of the hardest Thanksgivings for me ideal... Around for holidays, birthday parties, vacation homes id tell them that having your pain go from. To 4 yrs with my ex and his new girlfriend and why would they feel their!
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